No. 161 OCT 2020
POLITIKAL POKES
By Lobbytroll
DESERT ISLAND DICKS
Idly flicking through the radio channels the other day I came across an old edition of desert island disks featuring cricketing legend “Sir” Ian Botham.
I was drawn not only to his anodyne, politically correct choice of music: “I adore classical and for me this is represented by Beethoven” but also to his odd mode of speech which seemed to remind me of someone else. Despite Botham droning on about his innate talent and his many accomplishments, Sue Lawley bravely prodded him about his numerous public embarrassments. Suddenly one phrase hit me for six, a phrase which inadvertently revealed “Bothy” to be the possible source of “Prince” Andrew’s identical excuse for exceeding the boundaries of Royal protocol, namely: “If anything, I’m too loyal”.
Footnote. Although the free spirited all rounder and charity walker is a sporting hero to many children, and his support for childhood leukemia (a disease which he claimed no one had heard of until he brought it to the world’s attention) is well noted, he once appeared on early evening television to talk about his career defiantly smoking a fag. Legend.
WHEN IS A NATURIST A FLASHER?
Good question. Rather than expect an instant reply, I would first invite anyone to interview any musician in Hastings who has to put up with creepy exhibitionists who have given themselves Carte Blanche to attend their gigs and shake their genitals in other people’s faces. I read this recently for instance, referring to a 'naturist': “He went to a nude beach in Bournemouth, and that’s when he decided to become a naturist”. Thus the practice of narcissistic exhibitionism is passed off as a lifestyle choice, or perhaps a sudden Pauline conversion, without comment.
I would ask any self-styled “journalist” naive enough to tread this woke-seeking road one simple question (albeit not really expecting a straight answer, no bum intended): Why are ALL British beaches not nudist beaches? Relax. Study the question carefully. Your time starts now.
IT ALL ADS UP
If you wIsh to gauge the utter contempt in which you are all held by the powers that be, it will do you no good consulting politicians, who in private think you are all thick as mince, but publicly will always deny it. “How dare you accuse the electorate of being stupid!”, they will cry, for they know that by far the quickest methods of political suicide are:
1). to suggest that God may not exist, and 2). to admit that you think the general public are ignorant fools.
Although The Brexit/Covid Complex, as it has with so many other issues, has magnified this in excruciating, blood-spattered detail, the political and ruling classes will continue to deny it. If you really want to know what “they” think of you, the general public, the voter, the constituent, the component at the very heart of democracy, just spend a couple of hours listening to commercial radio advertisements.
Q: What is the difference between a term and a condition?
Q: To what do they apply?
Here is a glossary of some other phrases:
Subject to availability
We might not have it.
Offer available from participating dealers only.
We haven't got it, so you can't have it.
You will never own this car
You will never own this car
29% APR representative
Nobody knows
We'll be right back after this message.....
TRUMP GOES TROPPO
It looks like Donald Trump has finally flipped his lid and lost whatever remained of his poor overworked marbles. Having been cured of an incurable disease in a matter of days, he is now in no doubt whatsoever that he is a super hero with special powers. Unfortunately the special powers bit is not entirely untrue, since his undersized fingers, when not tweeting, are dangerously near the Dr. Strangelove button on his bedside table. Many members of congress are now considering the invocation of the 25th amendment to the constitution, enabling the removal from office of a President who is clearly displaying signs that he off his rocker, and therefore a danger to national security. They must stop dithering, help him into a long-sleeved jacket and confine him to a secure institution ASAP.
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